| You might be a Redneck if ... |
| More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. |
| You think the stock market has a fence around it. |
| You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test. |
| You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu. |
| Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. |
| Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs. |
| You've ever used lard in bed. |
| Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool. |
| You prefer car keys to Q-tips. |
| Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included. |
| People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe. |
| Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack. |
| You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy. |
| You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home. |
| You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time. |
| You've ever been too drunk to fish. |
| You've ever bought a used cap. |
| You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures. |
| You've ever used a weedeater indoors. |
| Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting. |
| You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run). |
| You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right' |
| You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge. |
| Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it. |
| In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite. |
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